Time to Read: 4 mins
A few Sundays ago, I was planning my upcoming week, as I always do.
Sitting with my calendar. Looking ahead. Organizing commitments.
Putting together the joyful puzzle of my life.
But somewhere in the middle of it, I noticed something…
My doctor’s appointment? Locked in.
Coaching calls and client meetings? Protected.
My mastermind group call? Prioritized.
But that one small goal I had for myself? The one that matters deeply, both to my career and to my life’s work?
It wasn’t on my calendar at all!
It only existed in my head!
I sat there for a moment, staring at my agenda. And honestly, it felt like being hit upside the head with the proverbial frying pan.
And once I saw the contrast, I couldn’t unsee it.
You see, I was honoring my commitments to other people beautifully.
BUT, I was quietly and consistently diminishing commitments I had made to myself.
Why?
Nothing about my goal had changed. It was just as important as ever.
But what had changed was the priority I placed on it, especially in comparison to competing priorities.
Seeing it laid out so clearly forced me to slow down and ask myself a more revealing question — not about productivity or priorities, but about leadership…
What does it actually mean to lead myself well here?
Because when commitments only live in our heads, they’re easy to respect in theory.
But in reality, they’re way too easy to negotiate away when life gets busy.
And over time, those small negotiations add up… in a quiet, cumulative way.
They shape how seriously we take our own intentions, and how much self-trust we develop (or don't) in the process.
Oh boy! Once I saw that, I knew this wasn’t about the calendar. 🤦♀️
It was about the relationship I was having with myself as I moved through my work.
And it was a feeling that was all too familiar… because I see versions of it show up regularly in my client work.
Thoughtful, capable people who are deeply committed to their work, their families, their growth. And who follow through beautifully for others.
Yet, when it comes to commitments they make to themselves, there’s often more flexibility… more negotiation… more waiting for “later.”
Thankfully, I knew just what to do with this insight!
I went to my coaching toolbox and pulled out a tool I’ve used for years — one that’s grounded in research and incredibly effective when we need a little perspective shift.
It’s called Wise Reasoning.
At its core, Wise Reasoning helps you step just far enough outside of a situation to broaden your perspective and gain a different vantage point.
It’s something I often guide clients through when they’re navigating decisions, commitments, or internal friction… and that Sunday, it was the exact tool I needed for myself.
So let me walk you through how I approached it, and how you can put it to use as well.
💡Practionable Takeaway
Using Wise Reasoning to Honor Commitments to Yourself
A five-minute perspective shift when a goal keeps getting negotiated away.
1️⃣ Step into the role of a trusted advisor.
Take the commitment you’ve been minimizing — the one that lives in your head instead of your calendar — and imagine you’re telling a trusted advisor about it over coffee.
Not someone who fixes things, or is there to motivate you.
Just someone who listens carefully and notices patterns.
As you chat with them, specifically address (out loud or on paper):
- why this commitment matters to you
- how you’ve been treating it lately
- what tends to crowd it out when your week fills up
With clarity on those three points, switch roles and become the advisor.
From that seat (and this is really important), your job is not to explain, justify, or improve anything.
It’s simply to notice what’s actually happening.
- Is this commitment being protected… or postponed?
- What consistently takes priority instead?
- Where are decisions getting deferred with phrases like “I’ll get to it later”?
Remember, your only goal is to listen, observe, and gather data.
2️⃣ Offer wise counsel.
Still in the advisor role, reflect back what you see in one or two sentences.
Not as a critic, but as someone who cares about this person and wants to help them see clearly.
As examples:
- “I notice you care deeply about this, but you’re treating it as optional.”
- “I notice this keeps getting edged out by things that feel urgent, not more meaningful.”
Write that reflection down exactly as it comes.
And if those thoughts sound shaming, blaming, or harsh — soften them.
Wise counsel tells the truth without attacking the person telling it.
The goal isn’t perfect wording.
It’s capturing the essence in a way that helps someone see themselves more honestly and more kindly — at the same time.
3️⃣ Turn clarity into choice.
Now step back into your own seat... but bring the advisor's clarity with you.
Ask yourself:
If I treated this commitment as non-negotiable, what is one small thing I would put in place this week?
And choose something visible and concrete:
- a specific time on your calendar
- a block that won’t get bumped
- a decision about what no longer replaces it
Then do that one thing.
4️⃣ Close the loop.
After you take that one action, slow down for a moment and notice what’s different.
Not just in what moved forward — though that matters.
But in how it feels to be in relationship with yourself around this commitment.
Each time you follow through in a way that reflects who you’re becoming, two things happen at once...
- You make real progress toward what matters to you.
- And you quietly strengthen your confidence in how you lead yourself.
And that combination — forward movement paired with growing self-trust — is self-leadership in action.
🎥 Want to Go Deeper?
In this week’s video, I walk through why good intentions so often stall out, even when a goal genuinely matters… and how self-leadership changes what actually happens after the insight.
It’s where we connect the internal work you just did here to the practical question of follow-through — not in theory, but in how it plays out day to day.
Check it out here.👇
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Until next week, keep noticing the moments when you choose to honor yourself in small, concrete ways.
Those are the moments where leadership gets built, goals are achieved, and success unfolds.
Seasons Greetings to You and Yours, 💜🧡
Laura
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