PLN 21: The hard truth about leading others

Time to Read: 3 mins

There was a season in my life when I was absolutely convinced I was a strong, effective leader.

I had the plans, the standards, the expectations…

I knew where we were headed, and I was very clear about what needed to get done.

And I made sure everyone else knew it, too. 🤦‍♀️

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was working overtime to lead them… while quietly neglecting the one person I hadn’t yet learned to effectively lead:

Myself.

I remember one particular stretch that, TBH, makes my skin crawl to think back on.

We were in the middle of an intense year-end push with quota (and bonuses) just an arm’s reach away. Deadlines were tight, and emotions were high.

I could feel my own stress rising, but instead of managing it, I’m sad to say… I redirected it.

👎 When someone on the team missed a detail, I tightened control.

👎 When something went wrong, I added more oversight.

👎 When I felt uncertain, I overcompensated by becoming more directive.

On the outside, it looked decisive. I was being a leader.

On the inside, I felt like a total fraud.

Because the truth is… I wasn’t modeling what calm, regulated, self-led leadership actually looks like.

❌ I was asking them for composure… that I myself had yet to cultivate.

❌ I was demanding ownership… that I was failing to personally embrace.

❌ I was expecting intentionality… despite not slowing down enough to build it for myself.

If I could go back to that 30-something version of myself, I wouldn’t change the goals.

I would change how I showed up.

✅ I would start by leading my own thinking instead of letting pressure dictate it.

✅ I would manage my own reactions instead of tightening control.

✅ I would get clear on what truly mattered instead of treating every task as urgent.

Because here’s what I know now:

✨ You can’t effectively lead others past the level you’re willing to lead yourself. ✨

And when you skip that step, everyone feels it.

Including you.

💡 Practionable Takeaway

Take a minute to think about where you show up in a leadership capacity — formal or informal — and ask yourself this question:

“Am I modeling what I’m asking of others?”

If you expect accountability… are you demonstrating it?

If you expect composure… are you regulating yourself under stress?

If you expect initiative… are you taking it?

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment.

🤔 After all, how can you effectively lead someone else if you’re not modeling the behavior you’re expecting?

🎥 Want to Go Deeper?

What would happen if you strengthened your self-leadership muscle?

There's only one way to know for sure! 😉

Check out this video for tips and tools on how to lead your thinking, architect your actions, and set your priorities so you’re not just busy, but effective.

You can watch it here.👇

And as always, I’m cheering you on as you cultivate your inner leader and create massive outer impact.

To Your Success,

Laura 💜🧡