Time to Read: 5 mins
Last week, I caught myself saying yes to somethingā¦ that I should've been saying no to.
It was a small ask with a moderately small time commitment for someone I like, and with a project Iāve supported before.
But this time, when the invitation hit my inbox, something in me felt... off.
I reread the message. And then, almost reflexively, started typing,
āSure! Iād be happy to help.ā
But mid-sentence, I stopped.
Because the truth wasā¦ I wasnāt actually happy to help. At least not this time.
And it wasnāt because I didnāt care about the person or the project.
But, truth be told, I had quietly outgrown the role I was being asked to play.
It no longer aligned with who I am, or who Iām becoming.
And yet, I was about to say yes out of habit.
As I sat there exploring the internal tension I was feeling, I started to wonderā¦
How many times have I habitually agreed to things that Iāve quietly outgrown? And what are these misaligned decisions costing me?
And as I journaled my way through those thoughts, I realizedā¦
āØ It's rarely the big stuff that burns us out.
Itās all the little stuff, stacked up, that wears us down.
Doing too many things that almost fit.
And saying yes to opportunities that align with who we used to be.
And this wasnāt just my challengeā¦
As I thought about my clients ā both past and present ā I realized there was a common pattern at play:
People maintaining roles, responsibilities, and routines that once served themā¦ but no longer reflect their goals or values.
And doing so... OUT OF HABIT.
And because none of it is objectively bad, it doesnāt get questioned.
But over time, those micro-misalignments quietly chip away at us, sucking up our energy and muddying our clarity.
Itās like carrying around a backpack that used to be light but now has way too much crap in it, and then wondering why your shoulders ache.
š§ Clarity isn't just about direction... it's about protection!
As my clients often hear me say, clarity creates momentum.
But I want to offer another layer here:
Clarity also acts as a filter.
It helps you spot the things that used to feel aligned, but no longer do.
Iāve seen this with clients who:
- Kept mentoring someone long after the relationship became one-sided
- Said yes to speaking gigs out of obligation, not desire
- Stayed in leadership roles that no longer challenged them
- Stuck with systems and tools that no longer reflected how they work best
They werenāt āoff track.ā
But they were carrying things that no longer aligned with the future they were building.
And for the recordā¦ the more you lug around what no longer fits, the harder it becomes to step into whatās next.
š My own moment of misalignment.
Going back to that emailā¦
Instead of sending the auto-yes, I hit the pause and asked myself two questions:
- If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?
- Do I feel energized by this, or am I feeling obligated?
And when I got honest, I had to admitā¦ it was obligation.
The unapologetic truth is, the way I want to serve people has evolved.
The work Iām doing now is more focused and intentional. Itās also far more grounded in where Iām going ā not just where Iāve been.
So I said no, which was really hard for me.
But I did so thoughtfully. With kindness, with clarity, and without guilt.
And hereās the thingā¦
Saying no to one small, misaligned thing created more space and clarity for what I do want to say yes to next.
š”Practionable Takeaway
So what did I do with this insight? I've now, I've added a weekly "Toleration Sweep" to my Sunday routine.
If you want to join me, it looks like thisā¦
1ļøā£ Set a 10-minute timer. Keep it short. This isnāt a deep life audit... itās just a pulse check.
2ļøā£ Review your past week. Scroll through your calendar, emails, and notes, then reflect on the week you just had.
3ļøā£ Ask yourself:
- What did I say yes to that didnāt feel like a full yes?
- Where did I feel slightly resentful, drained, or disengaged?
- What small thing felt heavier than it should have?
4ļøā£ Jot down what comes up. Donāt justify. Just notice. Then let these insights inform what you say yes to in the upcoming week.
These four simple steps are helping me spot hurdles before they become full-blown roadblocks. So hopefully they can do the same for you.
Because self-leadership isnāt just about setting big goals.
Itās about checking in often enough to make sure your current life still reflects the future youāre building.
š„ Want to Go Deeper?
If this resonates, and you sometimes feel stuck in the in-between...
... that space where things donāt feel quite right, but itās hard to name what would feel better...
...then this video is for you.
ā”ļø Because the future you want isnāt built by doing more. ā¬ ļø
Itās built by getting honest ā even about the little things ā and leading yourself forward... one decision at a time.
So, check out that video here. š
|
To Your Success, šš§”
Laura
Responses