Time to Read: 3 mins
Last week, I caught myself spiraling over a rather minor tech issue.
I was recording a video when suddenly, midway through, my camera stopped working. I spent half an hour troubleshooting before realizing that the reset button on the power strip had been tripped. š¤¦āāļø
After I fixed the issue, I realized that throughout the 30-minute ordeal, my inner voice wasā¦ letās just sayā¦ less than helpful.
Not once did it say, āThis is annoying, but youāve got it.ā
Nope. Instead, it said things like:
āYou shouldāve tested this earlier.ā
āThe clock is ticking and youāre wasting time.ā
āMaybe this is a sign that youāre not cut out for this.ā
All thatā¦ over a glitch with a stupid reset button.
Now logically, I knew it wasnāt a big deal. But the emotion behind the moment told me something deeper was going on within me.
Because the problem wasnāt the tech.
The problem was the identity spiral underneath it.
What I experienced is not uncommon.
It goes with our human condition.
We hit a bump in the road, and instead of addressing it as the isolated event it is, we pull it straight into our identity.
āThis didnāt workā becomes āIām bad at this.ā
āThis wasnāt well receivedā becomes āIām not good enough.ā
And that little gap between what happened and what it means about us is where the real damage can occur if weāre not paying attention.
Just this past week, I had a client share something similar.
They were preparing for the biggest keynote of their career to date, and one of their practice sessions didnāt go well. They were testing the content in front of a smaller audience, but the reaction they received was flat and disengaged.
Their response?
āI donāt think Iām cut out to speak at this level.ā
Now, keep in mindā¦ this is a brilliant, experienced professional whoās highly respected in their field. Yet, one misstep and they were suddenly adopting an unsupportive narrative.
And thatās often what happens in moments of perceived failureā¦
We donāt lower our standardsā¦ we lower our sense of self.
š”Practionable Takeaway
If you relate to this, I want to share a quick tool I use with my clients to help disrupt this pattern.
Itās a one-minute reset to help you catch identity spirals before they take over. And it goes like this...
The next time something doesnāt go as planned, whether big or small, take a moment and ask yourself these three questions:
1ļøā£ What actually happened?
2ļøā£ What story am I telling myself about what this means?
3ļøā£ What else might be true?
To be clear, this isnāt about sugarcoating the moment or pretending it doesnāt sting.
Instead, itās about creating space between the event itself and your interpretation of it.
Because when you pause long enough to examine the story youāre telling yourself, you often realize itās just that: a story.
And stories can be rewritten.
Instead of spiraling into shame or blame, this quick reset gives you a moment of self-leadership... a chance to respond with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot.
And this doesnāt have to be deep journaling (though it certainly can be).
It can happen just as easily in the car, while walking, between meetings, anywhere, anytime.
The point is to pause the automatic narrative long enough to notice:
ā”ļø Am I responding to the eventā¦ or to the story Iāve attached to it?
Because if the meaning youāre making is shrinking youā¦
Itās probably worth rewriting.
š„ Want to Go Deeper?
If this resonates, hereās a video that dives even deeper into this idea and shows you how to turn those so-called āfailuresā into powerful feedback for your growth.
Iāll walk you through the mindset shift that helped me (and many of my clients) stop fearing failure and start using it to fuel momentum. AND, Iāll share a practical coaching tool to help you do the same.
You can watch it here. š
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Until then, be kind to yourself. Especially in the messy moments.
Because leadership isnāt built by getting it perfect.
Itās built by getting back upā¦ just a little wiser than before. šš§”
To Your Success,
Laura
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