Time to Read: 3 mins
There’s a familiar rhythm in my coaching conversations right now…
And you might be feeling it too.
When people look back on the previous year, they usually talk about what they accomplished, what was left undone, and what they wish had gone differently.
And all of that matters.
But there’s a two-part question I often ask that quietly changes the entire tone of the conversation.
And it's not about goals or outcomes.
Instead, I ask…
What patterns were you operating from when things were working well?
And what patterns were showing up when things felt harder?
This usually trips people up a little bit.
Because most of us are trained to evaluate results, not the internal patterns that produced them.
But when we slow down and stay with that line of questioning, something interesting happens.
The conversation shifts.
And people start noticing things like…
👍 The way they were making decisions.
👍 How they were motivating themselves.
👍 What their energy looked like.
👍 How they responded under pressure.
And suddenly, the year makes a lot more sense.
Because when you can see the patterns you were operating from — the ones that supported you and the ones that made things heavier than they needed to be — you stop guessing about what needs to change next.
The answer reveals itself.
🤔 Why This Approach Works
This two-part question does something subtle but powerful.
It moves reflection away from performance review mode and into self-awareness mode.
Instead of asking:
- Did I do enough?
- Was I disciplined enough?
- Why was this so hard?
You’re asking:
- How was I leading myself here?
- What was helping me move forward?
- What was quietly getting in the way?
And that level of self-awareness is way more useful.
Because patterns repeat. And once you can see them, you can work with them instead of against them.
💡 Practionable Takeaway
If this idea is resonating, here’s a simple way to work with it… without turning it into homework.
First, choose a setting that helps you slow down a notch — one where you’re not rushing on to the next thing.
✅ That might be a walk without your phone.
✅ Or a quiet moment in your favorite chair.
✅ Or a few minutes before the day really starts.
Then, bring to mind one specific season from the past year.
Not the whole year. Just one chapter.
Maybe it was a project you were immersed in, or a relationship that asked more of you, or a goal you were actively working toward.
From there, ask yourself:
- What patterns was I operating from during this time?
- What seemed to support me without much effort?
- Where did things feel heavier than they needed to be?
Then, listen to what surfaces.
No fixing, or strategizing, or trying to “do something” with what you notice.
Just let yourself see what’s there.
That kind of noticing is often more useful than a long list of goals or resolutions.
Because once you can see the patterns you were leading yourself from, you don’t have to force change. You get to choose it. ✨
🎥 Want to Go Deeper?
In this week’s video, I walk you through the exact process I use with coaching clients to explore these patterns more clearly — using four research-backed assessments to create a whole-person snapshot.
It gives you a concrete way to see your patterns, so you can do more of what works… and less of what doesn’t.
You can watch it here.👇
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To Your Success, 💜🧡
Laura
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