PLN 43: The Feedback Habit That Builds Team Trust

Time to Read: 4 mins 

When "Feedback" showed up on the training agenda, the leadership team made some assumptions about what our session would cover.

They couldn't have been more wrong. 😆

A bit of context first…

A CEO reached out about leader development for his team. They had hit a plateau, growth had stagnated, and the numbers were starting to slide.

Feedback was one of the areas he wanted to address. But it quickly became clear that the gap wasn't in how his leaders gave feedback. It was in how they received it.

And that gap was quietly limiting how much the whole organization could grow.

It's a gap I see quite a lot, and people are often surprised to learn that it's rarely about skill. Most leaders, by the time they're running a team, have some fluency in giving feedback to others.

What’s often missing, however, is an invitation and process that brings feedback to them.

And that half of the equation matters more than you might think.

Because your team isn't taking its cues from your feedback policy, or from what you said in the last meeting about welcoming pushback. They're taking their cues from your actions and behaviors, and watching how you respond when the feedback is given. They’re watching how you model the way.

Do you get curious? Or do you get defensive?

That's the real norm. And that’s the signal that tells them whether or not there’s truly a culture of feedback, or just a hollow notion of one.

So instead of sharpening how this leadership team delivered feedback, we spent that session building their ability to receive it.

Worksheets that walked them through their own reflexive reactions, breakout conversations that put real feedback in front of them, and role plays where they practiced responding without defending, explaining, or shutting the conversation down.

Many of them were uncomfortable in the moment. But that’s where growth always happens… at the edge of our comfort zones.

A month later, the CEO called with an update. The ripple effect was undeniable. People across the organization were speaking up sooner, naming problems before they became disasters, and pushing back on decisions instead of nodding along in quiet frustration.

The leaders hadn't just gotten better at asking for feedback. They'd changed what their team believed was actually safe to say out loud.

There's a great study by Constantinos Coutifaris and Adam Grant that helps explain what was happening under the surface. Their research looked at the effects that leader feedback (both sharing and seeking) had on a team’s psychological safety over time.

It turns out, leaders who sought out feedback but did nothing with it saw no lasting effect on their team's sense of safety a year later.

BUT, leaders who asked for feedback, were vulnerable enough to normalize and share the criticism they received, and then openly shared what they did with the feedback, saw real and lasting change in the trust and psychological safety of their team.

Asking, on its own, didn't move the needle. Getting vulnerable, normalizing feedback (even when it’s hard and uncomfortable), and showing the team how they took action on that feedback did.

Inner Leader. Outer Impact.

💡 Practionable Takeaway

Next time someone hands you feedback, whether it's in a 1:1, a meeting, or an offhand comment in the hallway, pay attention to what you do in the next ten seconds. Then, try this:

1️⃣ Pause before you respond. Take a beat.

2️⃣ Reflect back what you heard, not what you think they meant. ("What I'm hearing is...")

3️⃣ Tell them what you're going to do with it, even if that's just "let me sit with this."

4️⃣ Circle back later and actually tell them what you did. (Yes, even when it stings a little.)

That last step is the one almost everyone skips. It's also the one your team remembers most.

Remember... a culture of feedback isn't built the day you ask for feedback. It's built the day your team watches you do something with what you heard.

That's self-leadership in action.

🎥 Want to Go Deeper? 

Curious what your own patterns look like here, not just with feedback, but across how you think, act, and motivate yourself?

Take the self-leadership assessment. Ten quick minutes, and you'll walk away with a much clearer read on what your team is actually watching you model.

To Your Success,

Laura 💜🧡