Time to Read: 3 mins
I have a file called “Read Later” synced across all my devices.
It’s where I stash things that catch my attention… everything from articles, to quotes, to ideas I want to come back to.
And whenever I’ve got time to burn, like standing in crazy long lines at the airport 🤦♀️, I open it up.
And somehow, it always serves up the exact right thing, at the exact right moment.
This week, I found myself re-reading an old Atlantic article by Arthur Brooks, Changing Your Mind Can Make You Less Anxious.
And one line in particular grabbed me and wouldn’t let go:
“When your ideas are threatened and you feel defensive, actively reject your instinct to defend yourself, and become more open instead.”
Yep, the universe had my number and wasn't going to let me off the hook.
For context, a few days earlier, I had left a meeting feeling icky and off.
I was frustrated because I wasn’t able to get my point across, and instead of slowing down and digging deeper, I felt myself getting defensive and tightening up.
And the more defensive I became… the less I was actually listening to others.
And understanding their perspectives more deeply would’ve helped us all.
💡 Thankfully, Brooks’ article triggered an important a-ha! 💡
❌ Defensiveness isn’t the problem.
✅ It’s actually a signal.
It tells you that something you care about feels threatened.
And it reminds you that there’s something there worth paying attention to.
But in the moment, it’s easy to misread that signal.
We treat it like something to shut down, justify, or push through.
But the better approach is to take a step back and ask yourself, "What am I not seeing right now?"
Because being open doesn’t mean abandoning your position.
It means creating just enough space for your thinking to evolve.
And when you do so, your understanding, as well as your ability to find common ground with others, is strengthened.
But taking that step back isn’t always intuitive.
💡 Practionable Takeaway
So, the next time you feel that defensive edge, try this:
1️⃣ Get curious before you get certain.
Ask one question with the genuine intent to understand, and importantly, not respond. Curiosity has a way of softening the edges without forcing agreement.
2️⃣ Look for what challenges you.
Not just what confirms you. Even a few minutes spent exploring the “other side” can shift how you see both the situation, and the person across from you.
3️⃣ Separate what happened from how it felt.
Lay out the facts as clearly as you can. Then notice what you added to them. That distinction alone can change how you show up next.
🎥 Want to Go Deeper?
That first step — getting curious before getting certain — is far more powerful than is often realized.
Because curiosity is one of 24 natural strengths we all possess, albeit to varying degrees.
What are the other 23?
And what level of each do you possess?
Find out in this week's video.👇
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To Your Success,
Laura 💜🧡
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